What I Find Relatable ✮

*Explain Some of Your Saved "Relatable" TikTok's*

I save a lot of TikTok's, usually because I don't want to repost them. So, I thought, why not dive into them?

"Me when it comes to romanticizing very normal interactions"

Last post, I explained the theatrics that I play into. Part of that includes seeing every interaction as a potential sign of love. This leads to disappoint, obviously, but I don't do it nearly as much as I used to. I saw a tweet a few months back saying that if you expect romantic potential from every interaction you have, you will always be miserable. After that, I realized how hurtful it was to myself to keep looking at normal and polite things as romantic gestures and snapped out of it.

"When someone claims me as their ex, but it was before I was 18"

I'm not joking when I say I burn things out of my memory and convince myself they didn't happen. If I'm embarrassed, I will x it out of my life. I am a new person, and the mistakes the old me made regarding judgement calls are not my problem anymore. It didn't happen!!

"Me getting mad he doesn't want a relationship knowing full and well I also don't want one with him either"

It makes me feel delusional!!! Like why am I so upset someone doesn't want me if I don't want them either?? It's the people pleasing side of me, it's just like how I want people I don't like to like me. I used to do that at least, I truly don't care anymore, but it's the principle!

"'Shoot your shot first' I'm black. And half the time I don't even know if a guy likes more or if he's just not into Black girls. It makes me feel like I'm setting myself up for rejection lol :D"

Being black in the dating scene is a personal hell. There are people in the comments saying it's because we "don't go for black men," but it doesn't matter who you go for. Black women are being pushed aside by every race, and it is so challenging keeping a strong self-esteem despite this.

"When it's that time of the hangout when the girls pull out their high-definition digital cameras and force my chopped, awkward ass to participate"

I don't think my friends get how insecure I truly am. It has its roots in deep and controls every waking aspect of my life. If a friend posts a picture of me where I look bad in it, I get the worst anxiety ever imagining what people are thinking when they see me that way. I feel bad because I do want photos to document the times we have together, but my urge to not be seen takes over more than my want to make memories.

"How it feels to stop caring and let yourself be an anime nerd"

One change I am proud of lately is that I've been enjoying what I want without restriction. I used to hide my interests and pretend to like what everyone else thought was cool, so being able to form my own identity off of what I actually love is liberating. It sounds dramatic, but I truly do love life more when I don't have to hide who I am. Even posting, I'm more open with what I want to post and don't care what people may think when they see it. I feel more comfortable, and don't feel the need to filter myself based on what people MIGHT see because I'm not trying to impress anyone anymore. I realized that if I have to adjust what I post about or say in front of someone, then they're not someone I could see in a serious light anyways, romantically or platonically. 

"How it feels when you realize the guy you've been crashing out over is a loser"

No man that I've reacted to in anyway has not been worth it even a little bit, and that is not an exaggeration. I have driven myself crazy over nothing and all it did was give them an ego boost they never deserved. My goal in life is to never make a man feel as though he is superior to me again. 

"Me practicing how to be platonic with another crush that friendzoned me"

This actually doesn't happen often, I've had crushes on a few of my male friends, but it was never anything serious and doesn't affect our friendship. They don't know I ever felt that way and I definitely don't anymore. 

"Coming home from a night out and realizing it might be time to stop avoiding it"

Nights after being out are the worst. They're when I feel the loneliest, when I realize I have nobody to call. Everyone else goes home and talks to the person they're dating or talking to. Maybe they think of the interactions they had with their crush that actually likes them back, but me, I just go to sleep. It makes me sad. It makes me think of everything wrong and I end up em
otional, ruining the fun I thought I was having. 

"When he puts a love song in his note now all 30 of us are smiling"

I never in my life have been convinced that a post was for or about me. I post about people all the time, almost every story or note song is targeted to a situation I relate to, but I don't think anyone listens to songs and thinks of me. Not in a pity way, I just find it hard to grasp the fact that people perceive and think of me. I also think that men entertain multiple girls at a time, whether on purpose or not. While he may think they're friends, she thinks he's flirting, and I know I'm not the only one falling for mixed signals from certain people out there. 

"Me because I'm so desperate that I'm thinking of making the first move"

I don't see anything wrong with making the first move, I think men are too scary these days. I also think in every past relationship I've been the one to really push things, they've showed interest, but I took it further. I don't see the point in beating around the bush too long, I'm impatient. It just gets to the point where I'd rather deal with the rejection than deal with mixed signals and second guessing.