I've always wanted a blog. I don't know how open I'll be on here because I'm posting to the public, but I do love spilling my ideas and thoughts to a void. Part of me wants to be cautious and omit some of my feelings, the other part of me feels like nobody's looking for this information or cares anyway, so I should say what I want and create the space I wish to. Writing has always been a passion of mine, something I enjoy. I would never do it as a career or in any way to really share to the world officially I feel, but I do love the idea of conveying my thoughts into something beautiful. I feel that it comes naturally to me at times, and I love the idea of leaving behind something for my loved ones after me to see and digest. So, the question still remains of if I hold back and fear what will never come, or do I say everything that is on my mind? I have a private Instagram page that I treat as a diary. I dump my feelings there as I am feeling them and I'm the only one on the account. I often find myself rereading these posts to see how I felt at the time and reassess it, most of the time it helps me realize how temporary things are. It allows me to see how much something upset me at one point although currently, I couldn't care less about it. I do feel that it helps me, but I always have the fear in the back of my head that it'll one day come to light. I feel that way about this page as well. That one day the people I've talked about in these posts will see them and come at me with a pitchfork and ignited cloth on a stick. However, am I wrong for having these feelings? Am I wrong for expressing my frustration in situations I either have been wronged in or am confused about? Is it wrong to say how I feel although it is not to them directly? I have this fear that my true feelings will be found because they are the opposite of what I've proposed to the people they involve. While I tell them it doesn't matter, I go to my journal and write the opposite, I write so much about how much it very much does matter. Is that wrong? Is it wrong that I feel more comfortable laying out my feelings allowing me to tell how I feel to my future self? So much so that if the people I discuss view it they would hate me? Maybe so, either way I feel like it'll do me good to create another space allowing me to say what's on my mind. I don't think it'll backfire, but would confronting my true feelings about people be so wrong? No, I feel it'll set me free.
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