Lyrical Analytics ✮

   I'm going to do something I've done for a journal entry before.

*Shuffle your music, pick out a lyric from the song it lands on, and explain a lyric from it*

I'll do it from my liked songs so that there's a variety.

Attracted to You by PinkPantheress

        I'm not attracted to you, like I was, back at the start. Back at the start   

        You're in my head so I cannot forget you. You're in my head so I can't. 

I love PinkPanthress because I feel like she's exactly like how I am. I relate to so many of her songs and I love the composition of her music. I chose these lyrics because they represent me completely. I come to the conclusion that I no longer want someone, I'm not as drawn to them as I was in the beginning. Maybe due to something they said or did, maybe because of distance. Yet, they stay in my head. I constantly thinking of them knowing that I shouldn't or have no reason to. I'm so stuck in my head, I'm constantly daydreaming and coming up with scenarios I wish to be true. They often include crushes I have or have had. No matter how much I try, I think so much about them that it hurts.

Sunsetz by Cigarettes After Sex

        And when you go away, I still see you

        With sunlight on your face in my rearview

        This always happens to me this way

Once again, I am a major daydreamer, maybe even a harmful amount. It doesn't matter how much time has passed since I've seen someone or even talked to them, if they cross my mind they stay there. I often imagine them better than they are. The way they look, the way the act, the way they feel about me, is never a reflection of reality. I create versions of them that suit the way I wish things could be, it leads to devastation because they could never fit into this bubble I've created for them in my mind. I get this way with everyone I encounter romantically, especially if they've emotionally harmed me. I feel like the romantic situations I have had have been repetitive. I'm always put into a position that I thought I'd never allow myself to be in. Part of me wonders if I'm doing it to myself on purpose, to have something to talk about, to have a reason behind why I am the way I am that shifts the blame from me. Perhaps I pick the bad ones on purpose because I know they'll do what they do best.

  Dreamer by Laufey

        I can't take another lifeless little chat I'm

        Moving up into a cloud, into my, fantasy

I feel about Laufey the same as I feel about PinkPantheress. It feels as though she wrote these songs for me, her discography is one I find that tells my story. I love this song particularly because I am a dreamer. All I do is dream if you haven't gotten that already. I also really do feel as though I am going where I want to be in life. For once I feel like I'll actually apply myself to get what it is I want, to fix what it is I dislike about myself, to change what's always remained. 

Nights by Frank Ocean

        I ain't tryna keep you

        Can't keep up with conversation, can't nobody read you

        Why your eyes well up?

When I hear of the perception people have of me, I feel that it is often the opposite of who I think myself to be. It makes me feel like I'm either not who I think I am, or that nobody can understand me. When people characterize me, it is often misguided, when people talk about me it's often wrong. It makes me feel like either I'm sending the wrong message or people aren't trying to know me. It's actually something I find to be most upsetting.

Teddy Bear by Melanie Martinez

        When you started talkin' in your sleep

        Saying things you'd do to me

        I didn't care, I wasn't scared

In instances that I've mentioned briefly where I feel I've been wronged; there have always been warnings. There have been more than that, they've directly said how bad of people they are. They're aware of who they are and how they treat others, they in no way try to hide it from me. Still, I don't care, I stay. I stay because I feel there's something about me that will make them wake up and change their mind, at least that's my hope. My hope that I'd be enough for someone to realize their wrongs and fix them. That's my fault though, for overestimating the hold I have on people, and underestimating what they'd be willing to do to me. 

Club Paradise by Drake

        Tell me, who did I leave behind? 

        You think you got to me, I can just read your mind

        You think I'm so caught up in where I am right now

        But believe I remember it all

I hate when people try to assume what I think. When they tell me how I feel about a situation, especially when they're the cause. That or when they don't know the whole story and assume that their input is the final one I've been missing to solve my problem. I appreciate advice, I do, but I don't like being told how I feel. I don't like being treated like I don't know anything, especially when it comes to things regarding myself. 

Call Me by Kali Uchis

        Call me, you can call me

        Boy, just call me

        While you stalling, I'm evolving

        I'd give all of me

I love conversation. I love getting to know why people think or feel the way they do. I love explaining why I think and feel the way I do. Deep conversations are something I can't get enough of. I also love lighthearted conversations too. Banter, back and forth, forgetful talk is talk that I still value. However, it feels as though nobody likes to talk anymore. There have been instances where I've had a crush and all I wanted them to do is call. I'd be willing to give all of myself, spill my guts, if they'd just pick up the phone. I'd never ignore a call; I'd never disregard a text. It just feels like nobody ever wants to contact me first and I hate it because I want to talk so bad about so many things. Maybe I'm sending a message that makes me unapproachable, I don't think so though. I think they just don't bother. 

Yeah Boy and Doll Face by Pierce the Veil

        My little Mona Lisa told a lie, lie, lie, lie

        Do you want me? 

        Do you want to let me know that you're okay?

I hate feeling uncertain, which is the definition of all connections I have I feel. I hate having to guess whether or not someone cares for me. Yet, I stray away from asking directly because I'm scared of what the answer will be. Why though, I wonder? Why be scared of that? If the answer is no, shouldn't I want to know? Am I that content staying in the fantasy I've created where someone who wants me wants me back, so much so that I don't want to hear the truth of them not having a second thought about me? I think of so many people as picture perfect, I give them too much credit. They would lie to me, they have, they've discarded me. Made me not even the second option, but barely making the list. Yet still I wonder if they want me, as though they deserve to have me wanting them.

Reflections by The Neighbour
hood

        Come on baby don't you hurt me anymore

        I'm not the same way that I was before

There are many connections that I wish I could have a second chance at. Platonically and romantically, I feel like there are more people out there with the former version of myself as the only idea of me. I know that that's something I just have to accept, but part of me wishes that they'd give me another chance to show them that I'm not the way I used to be. I'm more mature, I'm more understanding, I'm surer. I'm more content. I just need the chance to show it. I also feel that I'm not the same way as before in the sense that I won't allow anyone else to hurt me the way I've been hurt in the past. I'm not the same person who would let that happen. I've said this plenty of times before, but this has been the only time I've truly felt it. 

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